Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
