Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize