Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
