guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
