Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
