Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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