you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
