I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
