The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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