he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
