somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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