well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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