Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
