He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
