I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
