Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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