You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
