i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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