If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Even my vagina gasped.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
