I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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