If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
