I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
