your room smells of hookers.
And success
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
