Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
