It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
