I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
