happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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