i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she smelled like a LAN party
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
