Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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