bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
