dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
