I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
