If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
