If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
