The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
