Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
