Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
