so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
