You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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