I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
