But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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