She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
