You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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