Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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