Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
