When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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