just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
