Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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