Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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