I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
