We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
