Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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