i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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