I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
