Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i have two assholes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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