I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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