BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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