Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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