sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
