I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
