i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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