Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sober January is a disaster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
