Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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