so let's talk penis.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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