how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize