Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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