found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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