My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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